So, at my sister's yesterday there were lots of tempting sweets. Coconut cashews (plus about 5 different forms of sugar on the label), and lots of sweets to dip in chocolate after dinner. My family likes dessert. I was able to fly under the radar by having a slice of banana not dipped in chocolate. I don't think anyone noticed that I abstained. Afterwards, I mentioned this to my husband and he agreed he didn't even notice--and we had discussed my plans in advance.
I wouldn't say that I didn't have ANY processed sugar yesterday, though. As part if my strategy to avoid the real heavy hitters I made sure I wasn't hungry going into dessert. In so doing, I had some cheese and crackers. I can almost guarantee you those crackers had some sugar in them (I know because I have looked for crackers without sugar and it's not easy to find). But I decided to eat some crackers in cheese in lieu of feeling deprived and giving up when the real hard hitter came out. Compromise. And honestly, I don't feel I cheated or quit or anything. I made the very best of my situation and was flexible. Having recovered from anorexia years ago, I know what rigid eating looks like. The rules, panic, worry. Last night was not that. Last night was a triumph of flexible eating and self care all at once. I had a therapist teach me to find the grey areas amid my constant black and white mentality. All or nothing. Last night was about sinking in and inhabiting the grey spaces while not compromising my core beliefs and values. And it felt good.
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