Square One

How do I keep winding back in the same place over and over again time after time? I've heard that history will repeat itself until you learn the lesson it is trying to teach you. What is my problem with sugar trying to teach me? Why did I fail again this time? 

I had decided that after my son was born I wouldn't eat sugar until I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight. But Mothers' Day was a week after he was born and my father-in-law made a special dessert in my honor. I would be rude to refuse his kindness. But I went back to no sugar after that...until the weekend when we were at my sister's celebrating her husband's birthday. They had ice cream cake. A former favorite. Surely one bite wouldn't hurt. I went back to no sugar after that, again until the weekend...this time it was Memorial Day, and Aunt Jean had made Tandykakes, my favorite, just for me. Again, what's the harm in one? And clearly I handled moderation really well the last two weekends. So I decided I could do one sweet per weekend. And then my sister came to stay midweek at the beginning of June and brought 2 pints of ice cream. She offered to scoop while I was feeding my son after lunch one day. I didn't want to, but I thought if I refused that she wouldn't have any and I didn't want her not to have any just bc I wasn't having any. So I had a tiny bit. Then the next night I figured I could eat another tiny bit and then more the next night and night after, to "get it out of the house." But it was too late. I had taken the slippery slope back into dependence. I was hooked into a daily habit again. And besides, I was frustrated that my steady weight loss had plateaued, and if I wasn't losing weight anyway, why not enjoy sweets in moderation? 

Which brings me back tonSquare One. I'm overeating sweets again, feeling awful about myself mentally and physically, and bargaining with myself about why I shouldn't bother trying to quit again anyway. At least not tomorrow. Just one more day of whatever I want to eat. Oh, how the mind deceives!

I know what's best for me is to abstain again tomorrow. But long term, what is the best tactic? Abstain forever and feel deprived and have to learn how to refuse sweets made just for me (ie, be assertive and stand up for myself)? Learn moderation by some miracle so that I don't feel deprived?